There’s no denying that starting a new relationship fills us with excitement and hope. We hope this is it. This is the relationship that may last forever. And we try so hard to convince ourselves that we’ve made a good choice this time around. But the thrill of a new relationship leaves us blind to potential dealbreaker signs.
To avoid wasting your precious time, and increase your chances of making a relationship last, don’t make these five mistakes.
Mistake 1- Allow the euphoric feelings of a new relationship to cloud your judgement.
The excitement of a new relationship can prevent you from seeing possible red flags of trouble down the road. You may have fallen hard for your partner’s looks, and may not care much about everything else for now. But reality sets in sooner than you may think. And when you begin to notice differences between you and your partner, you may already be in too deep.
Look beyond appearance. Instead, observe your partner’s behavior, body language, strengths and weaknesses. Detect the habits that bother you, and determine if they are deal breakers for you.
Mistake 2- Not discussing core values and long term goals.
Failing to discuss your goals and values when a relationship begins, can lead to partners heading in different directions.
Our core values are what guide us in life. When they don’t align with our significant other’s, they can be a source of conflict. It’s very hard to make a relationship work in which partners have misaligned values.
For example, you may want to go to your place of worship every week but your partner may not. So if religion is a big part of your life, you want to ensure your partner shares the same ideology. Or, if you plan on having kids next year but your partner wants to wait five years, this can end your relationship.
Make sure you’re on the same page with your partner, it will save your relationship and your sanity.
Mistake 3- Not talking about finances.
There’s such a stigma around talking about money in a new relationship, but it’s an essential conversation to have. It helps you avoid surprises and disappointments later on. Talking about money tends to make people uneasy. But partners should be aware of each other’s debts and assets before taking a relationship to a serious level.
Nobody wants to bear the burden of another person’s debt they weren’t aware of. At the same time, nobody wants to be misled into believing they are in a relationship with a self-sufficient person and end up having to support them.
There is nothing wrong with being the sole provider in a relationship, nor taking on your partner’s debt. However, you want to know about it and understand the implications.
Mistake 4- Not knowing your contribution to the demise of your previous relationship.
When a relationship ends we are often filled with negative feelings toward our ex-partners. We often blame them for the unfortunate outcome. But moving onto a new relationship without knowing how we contributed to the demise of a previous one is like trying the same diet that never worked for you once again. The truth is, unless we know the damaging patterns that we bring into a relationship, we will never be able to make one last too long.
So take a moment and revisit previous relationships. Do you see a repeating pattern that led to their end? Were there similarities between previous relationships? The answers to your contribution may lie in the recurring problems of previous failed relationships. Take note of them, and address them. Don’t rewrite history.
Mistake 5- Having unrealistic expectations.
It’s very common to enter a relationship expecting your partner to fit this mold you’ve created for them. And when they don’t, you may sulk and try to manipulate them into behaving according to your expectations. It may work for a short period of time, but it’s not sustainable. Eventually, the other person shows who they truly are. That’s when they are no longer willing to compromise their identity.
Allow one to be oneself and you’ll find out much quicker whether you like them or not. Don’t paint your partner’s picture in the colors you’d like to see, let them show you their actual colors. You’ll be happy you did.
As you enter a new relationship, keep your head on your shoulders. You can daydream about your future with your partner, but don’t allow these dreams to guide your everyday decisions. Love deeply, but not blindly. Good luck!